how to make your second marriage work

The divorce rate for second marriages is 67 percent, even higher than the 50 percent rate of first marriages. When people who are starting over fall in love again, they often have the best of intentions, thinking their new relationship is strong enough to put them in the other 33 percent. A relationship coach will advise you to give your marriage the best chance of success by building it on a strong foundation.

Don’t Rush

The pain of divorce causes a deep wound that takes time and effort to heal. Often people rush into a new relationship to take their mind off the pain. Their new significant other builds them up in ways their spouse didn’t and they feel exhilaration they haven’t experienced in years.

A new relationship might come with additional perks like the financial security of having two incomes again and the emotional support of having another parent in the home. Instead of taking time to heal from the first marriage, individuals often rush into a new one.

No matter how good your new relationship feels, take time to heal from your divorce. If you haven’t changed attitudes and habits that caused your part of the marriage breakup, you’ll repeat those patterns with your new spouse.

Establish Open Communication

Even if neither of you bring children from a previous marriage, you have relationships and hobbies that are deeply important to who you are. When you were dating, you decided how you would invest your time independently. When you get married, their wishes come into consideration.

If you haven’t established guidelines for transparent communication before your engagement, spend some time doing so well ahead of the wedding date. Identify how you will communicate about these issues that cause so many couples to fight.

  • Work responsibilities
  • Money
  • Parenting
  • Extended family members
  • Shared custody with previous spouses
  • Differing worldviews
  • Housework
  • Visiting family for the holidays

Talk about even the small things like how you will decide which furniture pieces you will keep when you blend households and how you will offer feedback about driving habits. When you’re transparent about the little things you prevent misunderstandings, and make it easier to talk about big things later on.

Don’t Ignore Red Flags

how to make a second marriage workCountless second marriages have failed because individuals ignored their instincts and married without working through communication issues or just plain chose someone that was wrong for them. Listen to your heart and accept advice from those who know you best.

If your significant other has values that conflict with your own and you can’t negotiate a solution before your wedding day, the cracks it causes your relationship will widen as time goes by. If one of you has spending habits that are vastly different from the other, money arguments can become heated once you share funds. Small things that are mild irritants when you are dating become huge obstacles down the road.

Expect Adjustment

After you get married, know you’ll encounter issues you didn’t think about beforehand. A major disagreement doesn’t mean your second marriage is doomed to failure. If you disagree over how to discipline children, seek to learn from each other. Give each other extra grace around holidays and special occasions.

Commit for a lifetime and set your mind for endurance. If you find a problem that seems insurmountable, seek out a relationship coach to help you work through. With work and determination, your second marriage can be the love that lasts a lifetime.

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