I’m a Life Coach and I Am Getting a Divorce

You want irony?  Be a life coach that specializes in relationships, more specifically women who are struggling with their relationship.  Then also be a woman in the middle of a long, drawn out, high risks divorce.  So why in heavens name am I the right one to help you figure your relationship out?  After all I risked everything to get out of mine.  Because of this I can relate to the feelings and thoughts you’ve been too afraid or too self-conscious to examine.

In our 15-years together I was completely in love with my husband, even with the parts of him I really didn’t like.  I felt the conflict of everyone thinking our world was perfect even though I knew it wasn’t.  I felt bore, dissatisfied, and resentful at times.  I fought, withdrew, and tried a lot of relationship oriented approaches to try and save our marriage, even so far as a very expensive private marriage boot camp.  I gave everything to my marriage to the point of losing site of myself (this may sound like a cliché but how many of you just shook your head in agreement?).  Everyone’s need came before mine; my kids, step kids, husband and business. I didn’t know how to set boundaries and I thought if I did I was prioritizing my needs and that would be selfish.

This is when I decided to actively learn how to be a better version of myself.  I enrolled in positive psychology and came to live with self-validation, boundaries and the happiness gratitude brings.  All of which I experienced first-hand through my personal work with positive psychology.

After learning how loving and healthy relationships function and handle conflict it became clear that my marriage was not one to last.  We were beyond dysfunction and repair.  We were unhealthy for each other.  Hear me clearly; I believe in committed relationships and marriage.  I’m looking forward to falling in love.  I want the best relationship I can have, not perfect (that doesn’t exist and even if it did how boring would that be?), but a happy confident resilient relationship where we both thrive.

You never really know what someone’s life is like behind closed doors or what’s going on in their head.  That being said there’s an extremely high likelihood that I get where you’re presently at and where you’re coming from.  I understand your fears, frustrations, and hesitations.  I am a safe judgment free person in which to explore them with.

I’m a life coach because when I was struggling with feelings of unhappiness in my relationship I couldn’t find someone positive and impartial to talk to about it.  My girlfriends were great.  They always had my back, sometimes too much.  I’m sure there were times when they should have said “Lisa, enough already.  You’re making excuses.  You’re focusing on the negative.  You’re putting up with too much”.  They loved me so their focus was supporting my side of the story, whatever that story happened to be.  It felt reassuring and great in the moment but was it really helping me improve my relationship?  I knew that seeing another therapist, like in the past, was not what I needed right now.  I didn’t want to continue to focus and pick at what wasn’t working.  I wanted someone who would focus on the future with us, or just as me.  I wanted someone to help me figure out what I wanted and what I could do, in a positive way, to make improvements.  I wanted to feel better about myself, my relationship and most importantly I wanted to be happier.  I was ready to look within myself to look at what behaviors and thoughts weren’t serving me or my relationship.  I was ready to own my part in all of it.  I was ready to take responsibility for my own happiness.

So would one consider my journey of positive psychology to have backfired now that I’m getting a divorce?  No.  Am I happy I’m getting a divorce?  No.  Am I clear that it needed to happen?  Absolutely.   Am I excited about my life?  YES.

Staying unhappy is often easy and safe and this is where working with a therapist can be beneficial.  Therapy explores what hasn’t worked and why you’re where you are.

Coaching differs from therapy because it moves you from where you are now to focus on what you want your future to look like.  Coaching with me requires you to hold yourself accountable to new approaches and behavior.  We will take a deep look at what you truly want (often a harder question to answer than you think), what would it look like to be happy, what’s important to you and why.   If you want to see things differently so you can learn, gain new perspective and thrive, then I’m the coach for you.  My goal is for you to feel good, not just with the outcome but about yourself in the process.  If you want to stay in your relationship and improve it, that’s awesome.  This is one of my specialties.  I’ve often shifted to couples coaching in my practice.  If you need to take a hard look at yourself and realign your expectations of your relationship because the relationship you have with yourself is out of whack, then I will be an honest mirror for you and help you create a thriving self-image.  If it means finding the courage to ask yourself if you would ultimately be better off leaving, this might be the absolute truth and desire for you.  I get how scary that is and all the ramifications that it will entail.  I can help you sort through the pros and cons and find the answer that’s right for you. If you have left, or been left, then by god let’s work together and get you the life you love.

I’m passionate about being a positive psychology life coach because I understand how social, familial, and our own inner turmoil keep us from admitting we want more.  Feeling good about yourself is not selfish, it’s self-fulfilling.  And when you are self-fulfilled you are happy and you are better in your relationship.

The New Year and January are often times of self-reflection.  We make commitments and resolutions to become a better version of our self in the upcoming year.  Holidays and Valentines are historically a time to examine our relationships, or just how much we want one.  Make this your best year, the one that sets you up for better years ahead.  Invest in yourself in a constructive and productive way.  Discover the best version of who you are.  Commit the time and money to flourish.  It works.  Trust me.  If you’re ready, I’m a phone call away.

I’m Lisa Brown.  I’m a positive psychology life coach.  I get where you’re coming from.  Call me.